As part of my testimony with groups I usually share a bit about how I was living my plan for my life and how I had it all figured out. It was the typical American dream of having the perfect family and perfect job. Then God interrupted that plan. So, I recently shared that testimony with the youth group at one of my supporting churches in White Salmon, WA. During the question and answer time I got asked the question. It usually goes something like this, "so how do you feel about not being married" or sometimes it has a bit of an edge to it like "so you are planning on living in a place like Indonesia and you aren't married."
There are times when the question just rolls off my back and doesn't bother me. There are other times though when I struggle with the question and with the fact that I am not married. It seems to go in cycles. There are times when I am completely content being single and other times I struggle with being single. There is that dream as a woman of marriage and children. A dream that doesn't end but becomes less likely because I will soon be leaving for Indonesia. As that realization sunk in during December I began once again to struggle with my singleness.
Once again though God brought me comfort. In December, I was blessed to take some time away at the Oregon Coast for some spiritual rest. While I was there I received an email from a friend who had also served as a single woman at Bethesda Hospital. She is now married with two children and continues to minister in Indonesia alongside her husband. I had written an email to her recently expressing some of those thoughts and feelings. Her reply was a great reminder and part of the Lord's response to my worry and fear. He reminded me through her words that living this life is an adventure and one that I don't walk alone, even as a single woman. I was reminded of the countless Indonesian babies and their moms that I will be blessed to spend time with and care for.
The lyrics of this song by Francesca Battistelli really sums it up well...
Oh and as an added bonus to keep me busy, there will also be 180 Indonesian teenage nursing students who would needs lots of love and mentoring :)
Great post, Calista. For me this question needs constant revisiting and constant reminding that I don't walk alone. I also need regular reminders of what great and not-so-great marriages look like.
ReplyDeleteThanks Cheryl! It is interesting how it seems to go in cycles. What a blessing it is when God always finds some way to remind me that I am not alone, when I am in the midst of that cycle. My ministry may look different because I am single, but different is not bad. In fact, it opens me up to spending more time and energy on ministry. Marriage and singleness can each be lived well or not, so whether person is married or not the responsibility is to live life well. ~ Calista
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